love&music

Broken Promises: Love

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 02:07:50 -0400

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true,…

Truth.

past experience..

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 23:31:03 -0500

past experience has taught me that when a relationship ends, it should end in a way where both of you have benefitted from being together. that both of you come out of the relationship better people.. better people for the next ones destined to come your way. a little stronger, a little wiser, a little more prepared.

i’ve lost all such desire. i may just be kidding myself. i know deep down i want to believe and know that my time will come. i keep convincing myself that i can’t be that complicated. that i’ll find someone who’ll be on the same page as me and make me feel what i’ve wanted to feel after all this time.

unfortunately the one who i thought would do it, didn’t.

what i learned from him… don’t wait around, don’t expect, don’t do anything, cause it all just doesn’t matter in the end. cause in the end you’ll always just be you and only you.

holding on to what little hope i have left. please someone prove me wrong.

2012.

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 01:31:31 -0500

2012.

"the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained."

Thu, 29 Dec 2011 01:10:55 -0500

“the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained.”

- or the ones via text. (that should never be accepted)

"silence is the most powerful scream."

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 02:06:05 -0500

“silence is the most powerful scream.”

- unknown

same feelings, different year.

Mon, 05 Dec 2011 23:25:48 -0500

have i become that stupid to think he’d honestly be different? time after time i’ve been told “you deserve better” or “he takes you for granted” but i brush it off and convince myself that he really does care about me. he does love me. its complicated, thats all.

i need to open my eyes. listen to my heart.

he’s not in love with you. the idea of an “us” probably yes. but me. no he’s not.

if he was truly undeniably in love with me. i wouldnt feel this way. i wouldnt doubt it.

i would know.

he loves me as his friend, nothing more. time to accept it.

it’s time.

Reminder.

Wed, 30 Nov 2011 23:26:36 -0500

I remember when someone told me “..as long as you’re happy, but you shouldn’t have to worry about your own relationship..” ..maybe I don’t know what makes me happy anymore. I think I know but maybe I’m just to chicken to admit that it doesn’t make me as happy as I think.

this feeling sucks.

that time of year.

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 06:07:37 -0500

ahhh, yes the holiday season is fully upon us. thanksgiving has come and gone as has all the items from black friday. is it asking too much to want a traditional relationship? why does it seem so complicated?

why place me in a category as everyone else? if i am ever so “special” to you, why is simple phone call from you is so foreign. my expectations of you have lowered so much that even the simplest gestures have only caused me grief. maybe because its just that time of year. where you simply disappear. it happens every time. first with thanksgiving, then with my birthday, then christmas, and then comes new year. for 4 years i’ve come to grips knowing that holidays won’t be spent with you. that i have to ask to spend time with you for my birthday. i HAVE to ask? that just sounds so ridiculous. to have to ask to spend time with someone i love for my own birthday.. to proclaim that i’ll be happy as long as you’re there with me to celebrate, and yet when it’s your birthday my presence isnt a necessity. I can accept what i can’t change. what good is it to me though? youve become so predictable. ive learned more about you than you know and clearly you havent attempted to learn much about me or at the least take what i’ve told you to heart. why do i torture myself like this. why do i continue to believe that you’ll change your ways and you’ll prove to me how much i really mean to you. all the gifts you may give me will not amount to how much i want you to just show me your love.

yeah, it’s that time of year again. when i realize just how much farther i am away from what i truly desire most…

love.

just save my heart from the ache..

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 05:37:05 -0400

my heavy <3 can’t sleep cause of you. I’m tired of your disappearing acts and this s#!t you put me through. That’s not being a friend, let alone it’s not even being a best friend. You’re so unworthy of the title, and yet I still give it to you. You’re unworthy of my time, yet I make it for you. Do you see it. Do you even realize. I highly doubt it.

I don’t hear from you since Thursday morning and then I all of a sudden i exist early Monday morning. Such bullshit. And I suppose you expect me to tell you how much I missed you. I’m so tired of your fricken nonsense. If you’re suppose to be one of the rare ones you’re far from it. Because in my eyes and in my heart you are just like all the rest. Its only when you need something from me, do you need me. That much hasn’t changed. I’m your someone now til someone better comes along. I have nothing good to say to you. As much as I care for you I just can’t handle this anymore.

Find what makes me happy? It use to be you.

truth hurts

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 01:58:05 -0400

Guy says: want me to come in and say hi to your dad?
Girl says: no
Guy says: you sure?
Girl says: yea I'm sure, seeing you only confuses him.

Im confused as is about where you and I stand. My dad asks about you and me all the time. So no, I do not want you to say hi to my dad til you can tell me what's up with us.

Thoughts.

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 04:03:28 -0400

We lack depth in our conversations. Everything we talk about is trivial and superficial. No enthusiasm. No genuineness. Just petty conversation to get to the end of the conversation. Long pauses are awkward and are followed by useless questions just to ease the still awkwardness. Questions answered in short responses as though we’re texting each other.

Conversation is lost. Communication is broken.

I miss the excitement I get when I see you calling. To know that my mornings start with you and evenings end with you at the other end of the line. To have you be the first voice I hear when I wake and the last I hear before I sleep. When telling you about my day was natural and neither you and I had to ask about how it went. Especially not having to wait til the end of the day to know what was happening but really still be a part of your day. I miss when conversations dove deeper than the surface but always came back to the top for some lighthearted conversation. Its a long ways from what it use to be and I can’t expect for things to change much.

I need good communication to exist. I lack communication with my family as is. There are only a small handful of people I can truly, genuinely, openly, unreservedly communicate with. One of them use to be you.

"Don’t tell me ‘we could have had something…’"

Tue, 09 Aug 2011 01:53:31 -0400

“Don’t tell me ‘we could have had something…’”

- ..we had something, we just didn’t do anything about it.

So I thought...

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 03:46:24 -0400

…maybe ill start a letter to you of how what you do affects me. how what you don’t do affects me. basically ways you’re losing me. but then I thought, why bother? cause I’m sure you’ll figure it all out on your own when you realize all the things you should have done to keep me.

Love is 24/7. Not just when you find it convenient for you.

"Could have.."

Tue, 02 Aug 2011 03:48:58 -0400

You move thousands of miles away and decide to tell me that we could have had something amazing. And when I say that I ruined everything with my feelings and emotions, you take the blame instead and say you ruined it by leaving.

I won’t ever be the same because of you. <3

My unattainable has become even more unattainable.

truth

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 23:04:24 -0400

I don’t trust you. I don’t really trust myself actually. You’re so good at lying to others when you’re with me, therefore, that means youre good at lying to me. I’m just as guilty of it. So who’s to blame? Neither of us deserve this, so lets stop lying to each other and to ourselves. Its time.

gone.

Tue, 31 May 2011 01:55:17 -0400

just like that.. gone. more than 7,000 miles away, an ocean apart, and I didn’t even get to give you a proper farewell.

i know it was out of my control. i should have made an effort to try to see you. it was my mistake thinking i’d still have time. i should know better. can’t take time for granted. & now it’s too late. i suppose i’ll talk to you over internet, but that won’t be the same.

i guess here’s what i would have said…

thanks. thanks for being you and for reminding me that being me is who i should be, that some things aren’t worth it, if it doesn’t make me happy, for making me feel special, for telling me i was beautiful. thanks for making me smile and giving me butterflies in my stomach. i’ll miss you buddy. ill miss your drive-by hugs, that charming smile, those lame jokes and intellectual conversations. thank you for your honesty. i wasn’t in love with you but i know i could have fallen hard for you. but we both know it wouldn’t work out. i’ll take your friendship anyways just to have you be in my life. i hope it doesn’t end here. you still make me happy. ill see you around, hope we can talk soon.

I do love you.

Tue, 03 May 2011 03:46:37 -0400

-will you wait for me?

thanks...

Thu, 14 Apr 2011 02:19:50 -0400

for treating me the way you do.

just keep it up.

because at least you’re showing me what i deserve.

it’s definitely not you.

but i’m glad everyone else gets the best of you.

thanks for leaving me with the best of nothing.

you’re the bestest friend ever, jerk.

"So I put on my make up Put a smile on my face And if anyone ask me everything is ok I’m..."

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 04:32:57 -0400

“So I put on my make up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone ask me everything is ok
I’m laughing ‘cuz no one
Knows the joke is on me
‘Cuz I’m dying inside with my pride and a smile on my
Face on my face oh”

- tamia, smile

just like the rest.

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 02:55:07 -0400

thanks for becoming like all the other guys. at least you remind me exactly how the next one should treat me.

the biggest weekend of my life is coming up and i have to pretend like it’s not happening.

ill play the part. you’ll be sorry.